There is no force that can put an end to the human quest for freedom – Liu Xiaobo
Freedom, a word which has always been powerful, since the beginning of time itself. We are born with it, and it stays with us until we die. When I was a kid, freedom meant – to stay a little bit longer with my friends to play hide and seek. When I was a teenager, freedom meant my personal space. And when I was in college, it became personal space and to travel each day alone.
Fast forward to three years, my college was finally over. And after 1 week, my dream to start working and become independent came true. I started working at a Pvt. Ltd. company as a Content Developer. It was a six days a week, 9 to 6 job and I loved every bit of it at the beginning. But soon, my favorite word disappeared somewhere in the dark and I felt alone. Alone in a world where you were constantly typing, and never looked anywhere else other than the laptop screen. A world where you were not allowed to smile, laugh or make a sound unless of course, permitted by your manager. I started hearing my voice only inside my head. I felt burdened and scared everyday. I was here for some learning, but soon I became a robot.
Months passed, but nothing changed. The behavior of my manager was getting worse with each day. I used to be anxious most of the time, afraid to make even the smallest mistake. She mocked me all the time. I could only laugh when she cracked some inappropriate joke, otherwise we (me and my colleague) were scolded to keep our mouth shut and be the best robot and just do our thing. I was shamed by her when I spent 10 more minutes extra in the washroom in front of the whole office. I was shamed by her when I took 2 leaves in a month without asking for her permission. Nothing mattered to the company, not humanity I mean.
The work culture became a nightmare for me. I was asking these questions each day – Did I study for more than 11 years to sell my freedom like this? Wasn’t growing up meant freedom in a different sense? Does being independent meant to leave my home and ask permission for each little thing to my boss?
If I cried, I was called a weakling. If I didn’t say anything, I was being ignorant. And if I complained much, I was called a lazy person who didn’t want to work.
All I could think was that we spend so much time in learning only to become a machine for someone else. And if you want flexibility, then you have to work some more, build your resume and apply at a better company who still sees you as an asset, not as a human.
All of this went for a while and one day I decided to quit. Quitting meant – either I serve the notice period even if I had only worked for 3.5 months or to quit suddenly without any leftover salary or any certificate. I chose the second option. The rule is simple for the companies, you cannot quit without serving the notice period because they need some time to find a REPLACEMENT. But they can terminate you anytime without giving prior notice. At the end, nothing meant more than my freedom to breathe and speak openly. I knew I didn’t belong here.
Now it’s been 2 months since I left my job and started focusing on myself. I am learning now, not to become a billionaire, but to become my true self. I feel free. I can work now without the sickening silence. I can take leave when I feel like my mental health is not okay. I can now smell the winter, the sun and the moon. I am closer to find my belonging now. My word has come back to me with a new meaning and a new purpose.